Life Sucks for Bird

Life really sucked for the parakeet of an 84-year-old Utah woman. Gladys left the Hoover vacuum running and the hose wedged inside the bird’s cage when a phone call interrupted her cleaning. Soon after she greeted the caller, she heard an ear-piercing chirp, then a dull sucking sound: Her parakeet had gotten the half-second tour of the Hoover Tunnel. Gladys rushed to the Hoover and turned it off. She opened the bag to find the bird still alive, but he may’ve wished to be put out of his misery. His concerned master saw that he was caked with dust and dirt, and generously showered him under the kitchen faucet, then blasted him with a blowdryer. The parakeet survived the trauma, but it left him chirpless. Now he just sits and stares, according to Gladys. No doubt he’s thinking he’d be better off with Sylvester the Cat.

Cat's Got Your WHAT?

A Fountain Valley, Calif. man opted not to tell his co-workers how he hurt his head because the cat got his tongue -- and then some. Ivan B. was on his way into the shower when his wife begged him to re-set the garbage disposal. Completely naked, he crouched under the sink to perform the task. But it was all game for his new kitty, Buttons, who pounced from around the corner to claw playfully at the object she spied dangling between his legs. When Ivan‘s reflexes made him shoot straight up (like a cat, ironically), the sink cabinet knocked him out cold. Buttons is still a playful little critter, but she’s since been declawed.