Sunday, February 18, 2007

Cat's Got Your WHAT?

A Fountain Valley, Calif. man opted not to tell his co-workers how he hurt his head because the cat got his tongue -- and then some. Ivan B. was on his way into the shower when his wife begged him to re-set the garbage disposal. Completely naked, he crouched under the sink to perform the task. But it was all game for his new kitty, Buttons, who pounced from around the corner to claw playfully at the object she spied dangling between his legs. When Ivan‘s reflexes made him shoot straight up (like a cat, ironically), the sink cabinet knocked him out cold. Buttons is still a playful little critter, but she’s since been declawed.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Preacher's Cup Runneth Over

After one powerful sermon, Pastor Jeff of Mission Viejo was humbled yea verily. Half way through his discourse, he noticed both his audience and his bladder were being moved. The first needy soul he planned to help after the sermon was himself. After the last Amen, he raced to the restroom faster than you can say Apocalypse. The Hallelujah Chorus played loudly in his mind as he stood at the urinal. This flood would have impressed Noah. He shouted praises of joy.
His kidneys were well on their way to salvation when the deacon came rushing in. He looked as though he had seen the devil, and had been struck dumb. He silently drew his finger across his neck to communicate the "cut" signal and pointed to the wireless microphone Pastor Jeff had neglected to shut off before he left the pulpit. The congregation had heard everything, from the happy groans to the urinal flushing. This was one baptism the congregation shouldn't have heard.