Flipping Out

Scotty B. of Palm Springs, Calif., was only following a custom of big city driving when the car behind his kept honking. He apologized to his girlfriend in advance, then shouted profanities out the window and did the one-finger salute. It was only after the offending driver stuck his head out the window that Scotty's girlfriend recognized her father behind the wheel -- next to her mother. The parents had spotted their daughter on the road and had only wanted to say hello. Dad later had a man-to-man talk with Scotty about temperance.

Life Sucks for Bird

Life really sucked for the parakeet of an 84-year-old Utah woman. Gladys left the Hoover vacuum running and the hose wedged inside the bird’s cage when a phone call interrupted her cleaning. Soon after she greeted the caller, she heard an ear-piercing chirp, then a dull sucking sound: Her parakeet had gotten the half-second tour of the Hoover Tunnel. Gladys rushed to the Hoover and turned it off. She opened the bag to find the bird still alive, but he may’ve wished to be put out of his misery. His concerned master saw that he was caked with dust and dirt, and generously showered him under the kitchen faucet, then blasted him with a blowdryer. The parakeet survived the trauma, but it left him chirpless. Now he just sits and stares, according to Gladys. No doubt he’s thinking he’d be better off with Sylvester the Cat.