Coming Up "Shorts"

As Mike T. of Walnut Creek, Calif., waited for an elevator in his office building's underground parking garage, a soft, white object fell from above and landed on his head. Just then, the elevator door opened, and his boss emerged from the cab. As he greeted his boss, Mike grabbed the object to discover it was a pair of women's underwear. His boss gave him a puzzled look, then -- oddly -- smiled and gave him a thumbs up sign. "Who knows how the panties got there," said Mike. "But my guess is the owner wasn't heading into the office that day."

Clinging to His Story at the Office

Co-workers of Ken J., of Ishpeming, Mich., saw him in a whole new light one morning when he came into the office. "Wild night, eh Ken?" One of them jibed. A female colleague promptly approached him and removed the bra clinging to his suitcoat, before giving him a dirty look. Ken, a conservative married man, hadn't become a womanizer. He had simply put his coat down on a pile of freshly laundered clothes -- and static cling did the rest.

A Teaching Moment

Katherine N., a teacher from Vidor, Texas, has learned to be more private about her profession after an incident in a busy restaurant. As she and her husband waited for their meals, a familiar-looking man walked by their table. "Look, honey!" She exclaimed. "There's the father of one of my kids!" Her husband understood that Katherine refers to her pupils as her "kids," but the elderly couple gasping in the next booth wasn't as informed.

The Cold Shoulder

Marjorie L., of Houston, Texas, awoke one morning with a bad cold, but she couldn't miss work. That's because her company has asked her to sit in on a panel for a business symposium it was hosting, and Marjorie wanted to score points with her boss. Her only option: pop cold tablets and hope she didn't feel too drowsy. The meeting opened with a film, and the lights dimmed. Sure enough, Marjorie was in blissful slumber in no time. She was jolted awake by her boss, calling her name. It was his shoulder she has used as a pillow.

Putting His Worst Foot Forward

John N. of Long Beach, Calif., will likely never wear a baggy jacket to a job interview. An otherwise excellent meeting with a prospective boss went south when John stood up afterward to shake the man's hand. One of John's jacket pockets caught on the arm of the chair, yanking him straight down again and backward. Trying to avoid falling completely over, John stuck his legs up, which struck the edge of the desk and sent family photos and the PC's hard drive crashing to the ground. John didn't land the job, of course -- there was some company policy against hiring clods.

Attack of the Killer Cherry Tomato

You don't usually consider those little cherry tomatoes assault weapons, but Linda F. of Okalahoma City discovered that one in her salad was loaded. And it went off at a bad time. Linda met her boss one day for lunch ask for a raise. She opted for a salad at the Italian deli because the other dishes seemed too messy to her. But she had forgotten about the pesky little tomato. When she stuck her fork in it, the pulp squirted across the table and nailed her boss in the eyeglasses. No word on whether she got the raise.

Lawyer Is Too Literal

A young lawyer in Costa Mesa, Calif., interpreted a decree from his boss a bit too literally. The boss told him to "get rid of" several client folders strewn on the law library table. The rookie associate complied. But instead of arranging for a secretary to re-file the folders as the boss had intended, he called the building maintenance department -- and had the folders torched. The word "brief" doesn't apply to a case summary here -- it describes the young lawyer's employment at the law firm.

M.D. Mishaps

From Dr. Mark M., San Antonio, TX: "A man comes into the ER and yells, 'My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one."

From Dr. Richard B., Seattle, WA: "At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,' I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,' replied the patient regretfully. Very awkward."

Backing for the Business Deal

Billie S., of Fort Lauderdale, Fla., inadvertently added some value at business-related dinner. After using the restroom at the restaurant, she returned to the table where her husband was entertaining a client. "Everyone was looking at me," recalled Billie. "I decided they must've been admiring my lovely dress." Sure enough, it was her dress -- especially the back of it, which she had accidentally stuffed into the top of her pantyhose. Her entire backside was exposed.

The Real Junk Food

A Laguna Beach, Calif. man didn't know who kept leaving donuts in the office break room every morning, but he enjoyed them anyway. Then, the custodian gave him a clue one afternoon: "Hey, do you know who's been eating these donuts?" The custodian asked him. "I pull them out of the donut shop's dumpster every morning for my dog, and stash them here. But they're gone by the time I come back for them."

Surf's Up -- His Nose

Like many surfers, the only drag to catching a wave for Robert M. of Laguna Hills, Calif., is saltwater buildup in his sinuses. He never knows when a bit of the Pacific is going to drain out through his nose.The dam broke for Robert at work — not a big deal unless you happen to have Robert’s job — waiting tables at a gourmet restaurant. A steady stream tumbled from his schnoz into the dinner salad of a high-society customer. The only tip Robert got that evening was from his boss, who kindly counseled him to start looking for a new job the next day.