Special Napkins

Terri B. of Buffalo, NY, says her mother taught her to read when she was three years old. That might've been her first mistake. One day, Terri was in the bathroom and noticed a box in the cabinet with the word 'napkins' on it. She asked her mom why the box wasn't in the kitchen, where napkins belonged. Her mom replied that those particular napkins were for "special occasions". A few months later on Thanksgiving Day, Terri was assigned to set the table for dinner, for which the special guest that day would be the pastor. When the pastor entered the dining room, he was speechless when he saw the "special" napkins Terri had used. At least she followed proper decorum and had tucked in the little tail on each one so they didn't hang off the edge of the table.

Regrets, He's Had a Few

Bob L., of Cherry Hill, NJ, has always had a habit of losing things. Usually, there are no serious consequences. But Bob does wince when he remembers that gorgeous blonde with sparkling eyes he met in college. She gave Bob her number just before she headed home to New York for the Summer, and told him to call her when he was in town. Of course, he lost the slip of paper with her number, and never bothered to track her down. The girl turned out to be Meg Ryan -- the Meg Ryan. He realized it when he saw her on the big screen for the first time a few years later. Even her comedies bring on the sadness now.

It Does Take Two, Right?

Beatrice C., a German native living in Fremont, Calif., wished someone would've warned her about words that sound alike in English. She might've spared her American-born husband Roger a little embarrassment during a bike ride one day. She got ahead of him, then had to backtrack to find him among a crowd of other bikers on the road. "There you are!" Exclaimed Beatrice. "I was half way through the intercourse when I noticed you were not there."

Roger turned beat read, the spoke loud ebough for the crowd to hear. "You mean half way through the intersection, I think, dear."