The Gassy Dad

At first, Tanya S., of St. George, Utah, was proud to introduce her dad to a popular girl at a high school theater production. But the pride diminished rapidly when the hello was interrupted by a booming explosion that shook the walls of the auditorium. It seems Dad's lurch forward to extend his hand spurred some powerful flatulence he'd been trying to suppress. It wasn't exactly the wind beneath the wings Tanya had wanted.

Putting His Worst Foot Forward

John N. of Long Beach, Calif., will likely never wear a baggy jacket to a job interview. An otherwise excellent meeting with a prospective boss went south when John stood up afterward to shake the man's hand. One of John's jacket pockets caught on the arm of the chair, yanking him straight down again and backward. Trying to avoid falling completely over, John stuck his legs up, which struck the edge of the desk and sent family photos and the PC's hard drive crashing to the ground. John didn't land the job, of course -- there was some company policy against hiring clods.

An All-Too-Familiar Ring to It

Anna K. of Lake Forest, Calif. made the mistake of playing with her wedding band in a darkened movie theater. As she was fidgeting, the ring slipped off her finger and she heard that familiar "clink" when it hit the floor. To her horror, the next sound she heard was the ring rolling down the sloped theater floor, underneath the seats. The encore performance was searching the sticky floor in the front of the theater -- on hands and knees -- after the late show had ended.

Attack of the Killer Cherry Tomato

You don't usually consider those little cherry tomatoes assault weapons, but Linda F. of Okalahoma City discovered that one in her salad was loaded. And it went off at a bad time. Linda met her boss one day for lunch ask for a raise. She opted for a salad at the Italian deli because the other dishes seemed too messy to her. But she had forgotten about the pesky little tomato. When she stuck her fork in it, the pulp squirted across the table and nailed her boss in the eyeglasses. No word on whether she got the raise.

Everything Wasn't Coming Up Roses

Anna P. of Bend, Oregon, regrets not packing an alarm clock for one particular vacation. She and her husband decided to take the kids in a motor home to see the Rose Parade in Pasadena, Calif. They drove all day and secured a prime spot the night before the event, right on the parade route. The family was so exhausted from the drive that they drew the blinds and slept like logs. Not even the procession of floats, marching bands and cheering crowds could interrupt their slumber. They woke up just in time to see the last float past by.

Lawyer Is Too Literal

A young lawyer in Costa Mesa, Calif., interpreted a decree from his boss a bit too literally. The boss told him to "get rid of" several client folders strewn on the law library table. The rookie associate complied. But instead of arranging for a secretary to re-file the folders as the boss had intended, he called the building maintenance department -- and had the folders torched. The word "brief" doesn't apply to a case summary here -- it describes the young lawyer's employment at the law firm.

M.D. Mishaps

From Dr. Mark M., San Antonio, TX: "A man comes into the ER and yells, 'My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one."

From Dr. Richard B., Seattle, WA: "At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,' I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,' replied the patient regretfully. Very awkward."

Breaking His Groove

Linda W. of Bloomfield, Colo., came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from what she perceived as a deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

Special Napkins

Terri B. of Buffalo, NY, says her mother taught her to read when she was three years old. That might've been her first mistake. One day, Terri was in the bathroom and noticed a box in the cabinet with the word 'napkins' on it. She asked her mom why the box wasn't in the kitchen, where napkins belonged. Her mom replied that those particular napkins were for "special occasions". A few months later on Thanksgiving Day, Terri was assigned to set the table for dinner, for which the special guest that day would be the pastor. When the pastor entered the dining room, he was speechless when he saw the "special" napkins Terri had used. At least she followed proper decorum and had tucked in the little tail on each one so they didn't hang off the edge of the table.

Regrets, He's Had a Few

Bob L., of Cherry Hill, NJ, has always had a habit of losing things. Usually, there are no serious consequences. But Bob does wince when he remembers that gorgeous blonde with sparkling eyes he met in college. She gave Bob her number just before she headed home to New York for the Summer, and told him to call her when he was in town. Of course, he lost the slip of paper with her number, and never bothered to track her down. The girl turned out to be Meg Ryan -- the Meg Ryan. He realized it when he saw her on the big screen for the first time a few years later. Even her comedies bring on the sadness now.

It Does Take Two, Right?

Beatrice C., a German native living in Fremont, Calif., wished someone would've warned her about words that sound alike in English. She might've spared her American-born husband Roger a little embarrassment during a bike ride one day. She got ahead of him, then had to backtrack to find him among a crowd of other bikers on the road. "There you are!" Exclaimed Beatrice. "I was half way through the intercourse when I noticed you were not there."

Roger turned beat read, the spoke loud ebough for the crowd to hear. "You mean half way through the intersection, I think, dear."

All Fired Up

Jeanne M. of Mission Viejo, Calif. tried to substitute a stove burner for her cigarette lighter -- and she got burned (literally). She was on the kitchen phone and couldn't reach the lighter, so figured she would improvise. Turning a knob on the gas-powered stove to 'High', Jeanne ignited one of the burners. Then she lowered her face, a cigarette dangling from her lips. The flame sprung up faster than she expected, singeing her eyebrows and eyelashes from her face. Jeanne insists she's not telling a bald-faced lie, of course.

A Sausage and Gravel Pizza

Tom R. of Grand Rapids, Mich., knows good things come to those who wait. That's why he and his wife hung around for 45 minutes to get takeout pizza. When their order came up, they hurried to their car so they could get back home in time time for the big game. It would be worth the wait, though: they could almost taste the piping hot pizza from the wafting odor. It was only after Tom started the car and turned onto the busy street that his wife noticed the absence of that pleasant pizza smell. Panicked, she searched the car. "Hey, where's the pizza?" She asked. Her answer came immediately. At that moment, the couple watched the pizza box slide down the windshield, shoot off the hood and topple to the pavement. Tom had left it on the car roof.

Backing for the Business Deal

Billie S., of Fort Lauderdale, Fla., inadvertently added some value at business-related dinner. After using the restroom at the restaurant, she returned to the table where her husband was entertaining a client. "Everyone was looking at me," recalled Billie. "I decided they must've been admiring my lovely dress." Sure enough, it was her dress -- especially the back of it, which she had accidentally stuffed into the top of her pantyhose. Her entire backside was exposed.

Reflections on Poor Eyesight

Valerie T. of Omaha, Nebraska was walking down a staircase in a public building when she saw a familiar face walking toward her. The woman seemed friendly, too, with a broad smile like her own. Naturally, she greeted the approaching woman with a bubbly hello. But the greeting wasn't returned. "This lady is either rude or deaf," thought Valerie. Turns out it was Valerie who had the problem -- perhaps poor eyesight. The woman she saw was herself -- or a reflection of herself, anyway, in a full-length mirror. Maybe Valerie should've waved -- she would've either recognized her folly, or been satisfied with the friendly response of the "stranger".

The Real Junk Food

A Laguna Beach, Calif. man didn't know who kept leaving donuts in the office break room every morning, but he enjoyed them anyway. Then, the custodian gave him a clue one afternoon: "Hey, do you know who's been eating these donuts?" The custodian asked him. "I pull them out of the donut shop's dumpster every morning for my dog, and stash them here. But they're gone by the time I come back for them."

A Tee'd Off Bride

A Florida woman had a ball -- literally -- at her garden wedding held near a country club. The ball -- the kind used on a golf course -- flew from the greens and knocked her in the head, as she was exchanging vows with the groom. She regained consciousness, but didn't heed the sign: a year later, she was divorced.

Mother-in-Law is Tough as Nails

Kim H. of Raleigh, NC, knew that making a good impression on her mother-in-law would be tough. The old fashioned mom wasn't at all thrilled that Kim was a career woman. So Kim decided to make dinner for her husband's folks to show she could shine in the kitchen, too. But when the mother-in-law scooped up some salad from the bowl, she found something extra among the greens, olives and croutons: a bright red, acrylic fingernail. Sure enough, a quick count confirmed Kim had lost a nail on her index finger -- and any chance of getting in her mother-in-law's good graces.

A Halloween Prank that Backfires

Watch what happens when this dad (portrayed by this blogger) tries to scare kids attending a Halloween party. This is an entry into a TV ad contest for Heinz Ketchup. Believe it or not, the producers were a pair of (very talented) 18 year olds.

>>Watch video clip (30 seconds)

Motivational Speaker

Sue N. of Oklahoma City, OK, found out what can happen when you stay in a cheap motel with identical rooms. In the morning, her husband wouldn't get out of bed while she -- anxious to continue their vacation -- was dressed and ready to go. "Get your buns out of bed!" She nagged. "I don't want to waste the day."

With that, she went to the front desk to settle their account. When she returned, she saw a motionless body, still under the covers. Now she was really steamed. "I TOLD YOU TO GET YOUR LAZY BONES OUT OF BED!" She hollered this time.

This certainly startled her husband, who was next door in their room, wondering why his wife was yelling at a total stranger. Su had gone into the wrong room. The man to whom she had actually directed her anger shot up in bed, showing his face to a mortified Sue. "Sheez!" He exclaimed. "This place sure has one heck of a wake up call."