Skipping First Base

Gina T., of Anaheim, Calif., insists she's a respectable girl who doesn't pick up men. But she could've fooled the people in a long grocery checkout line. Gina was looking at the checker when she reached into her purse and yanked out her wallet. That explains why she didn't see her bra fly through the air and land in the man's cart behind her. The bra was too tight, so she had removed it earlier and stuffed it into her purse. And she thought she was unconfortable with the bra on.

Clinging to His Story at the Office

Co-workers of Ken J., of Ishpeming, Mich., saw him in a whole new light one morning when he came into the office. "Wild night, eh Ken?" One of them jibed. A female colleague promptly approached him and removed the bra clinging to his suitcoat, before giving him a dirty look. Ken, a conservative married man, hadn't become a womanizer. He had simply put his coat down on a pile of freshly laundered clothes -- and static cling did the rest.

Somebody's Mother

Carol B., of Worcester, Mass., was only trying the break the ice at the bridal shower she was attending. So when an older woman entered the room wearing a mini-skirt, platform shoes, gaudy jewelry and tons of makeup, Carol leaned over to a woman next to her and said: "Wow! Check that lady out. Maybe she thinks this is a costume party and she came as a tramp!" The young woman next to Carol made no reply, but stood up and signaled for the older woman Carol had just dissed. "I'm over here, mom," she said.

A Teaching Moment

Katherine N., a teacher from Vidor, Texas, has learned to be more private about her profession after an incident in a busy restaurant. As she and her husband waited for their meals, a familiar-looking man walked by their table. "Look, honey!" She exclaimed. "There's the father of one of my kids!" Her husband understood that Katherine refers to her pupils as her "kids," but the elderly couple gasping in the next booth wasn't as informed.

The Cold Shoulder

Marjorie L., of Houston, Texas, awoke one morning with a bad cold, but she couldn't miss work. That's because her company has asked her to sit in on a panel for a business symposium it was hosting, and Marjorie wanted to score points with her boss. Her only option: pop cold tablets and hope she didn't feel too drowsy. The meeting opened with a film, and the lights dimmed. Sure enough, Marjorie was in blissful slumber in no time. She was jolted awake by her boss, calling her name. It was his shoulder she has used as a pillow.

One Woman's Bum Is Another's Beau

Annette W. of Somerville, Mass., admits she rushed to judgement when she saw a grubby man outside a convenience store. After she went inside, she dutifully alerted the female clerk that a shifty-looking character" might be waiting to get her alone. "I hope he is," replied the clerk spitefully. "He's my boyfriend -- and my ride home tonight!"

Criminal Capers with Canines

• He Should've Played Dead: At least one man's dad is no longer his best friend. The man, a bank robber in Scotland, knocked off a bank but left behind an unwitting accomplice -- his dog -- tied to a railing outside. The pooch's collar led police to his master's house, where officers made the collar. No word on whether the dog is an Irish Pointer.
  
• No Need to Play Dead: Thieves in San Digeo should've checked their prime cuts. They thought they'd purloined frozen sirloins in the black plastic bags, but they ended up with icy -- and euthanized -- dogs, instead. The canine carcasses were in a freezer behind a pet hospital awaiting pick up by a medical waste service. Police believe the theives thought thefreezer belonged to a nerby restaurant. Makes you wonder if the restaurant ever gets confused. Gives new meaning to the term "doggie bag". OK, I'll stop now.

Easy Rider

Larry R., of Baltimore, Md., learned the hard way that it's even illegal to wear headphones on a bicycle. It didn't help that he also decided to run a red light. Turns out, the cop car was right behind him. And the officer had to pull in front of Larry -- lights blazing, sirens wailing -- to get his attention because the music was cranked to full volume in the headphones. At the time, Larry was a struggling college student. What did he have to sell to pay the tickets? You guessed it -- the portable radio and headphones.

The Gassy Dad

At first, Tanya S., of St. George, Utah, was proud to introduce her dad to a popular girl at a high school theater production. But the pride diminished rapidly when the hello was interrupted by a booming explosion that shook the walls of the auditorium. It seems Dad's lurch forward to extend his hand spurred some powerful flatulence he'd been trying to suppress. It wasn't exactly the wind beneath the wings Tanya had wanted.

Putting His Worst Foot Forward

John N. of Long Beach, Calif., will likely never wear a baggy jacket to a job interview. An otherwise excellent meeting with a prospective boss went south when John stood up afterward to shake the man's hand. One of John's jacket pockets caught on the arm of the chair, yanking him straight down again and backward. Trying to avoid falling completely over, John stuck his legs up, which struck the edge of the desk and sent family photos and the PC's hard drive crashing to the ground. John didn't land the job, of course -- there was some company policy against hiring clods.

An All-Too-Familiar Ring to It

Anna K. of Lake Forest, Calif. made the mistake of playing with her wedding band in a darkened movie theater. As she was fidgeting, the ring slipped off her finger and she heard that familiar "clink" when it hit the floor. To her horror, the next sound she heard was the ring rolling down the sloped theater floor, underneath the seats. The encore performance was searching the sticky floor in the front of the theater -- on hands and knees -- after the late show had ended.

Attack of the Killer Cherry Tomato

You don't usually consider those little cherry tomatoes assault weapons, but Linda F. of Okalahoma City discovered that one in her salad was loaded. And it went off at a bad time. Linda met her boss one day for lunch ask for a raise. She opted for a salad at the Italian deli because the other dishes seemed too messy to her. But she had forgotten about the pesky little tomato. When she stuck her fork in it, the pulp squirted across the table and nailed her boss in the eyeglasses. No word on whether she got the raise.

Everything Wasn't Coming Up Roses

Anna P. of Bend, Oregon, regrets not packing an alarm clock for one particular vacation. She and her husband decided to take the kids in a motor home to see the Rose Parade in Pasadena, Calif. They drove all day and secured a prime spot the night before the event, right on the parade route. The family was so exhausted from the drive that they drew the blinds and slept like logs. Not even the procession of floats, marching bands and cheering crowds could interrupt their slumber. They woke up just in time to see the last float past by.

Lawyer Is Too Literal

A young lawyer in Costa Mesa, Calif., interpreted a decree from his boss a bit too literally. The boss told him to "get rid of" several client folders strewn on the law library table. The rookie associate complied. But instead of arranging for a secretary to re-file the folders as the boss had intended, he called the building maintenance department -- and had the folders torched. The word "brief" doesn't apply to a case summary here -- it describes the young lawyer's employment at the law firm.

M.D. Mishaps

From Dr. Mark M., San Antonio, TX: "A man comes into the ER and yells, 'My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one."

From Dr. Richard B., Seattle, WA: "At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 'Big breaths,' I instructed. 'Yes, they used to be,' replied the patient regretfully. Very awkward."

Breaking His Groove

Linda W. of Bloomfield, Colo., came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from what she perceived as a deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

Special Napkins

Terri B. of Buffalo, NY, says her mother taught her to read when she was three years old. That might've been her first mistake. One day, Terri was in the bathroom and noticed a box in the cabinet with the word 'napkins' on it. She asked her mom why the box wasn't in the kitchen, where napkins belonged. Her mom replied that those particular napkins were for "special occasions". A few months later on Thanksgiving Day, Terri was assigned to set the table for dinner, for which the special guest that day would be the pastor. When the pastor entered the dining room, he was speechless when he saw the "special" napkins Terri had used. At least she followed proper decorum and had tucked in the little tail on each one so they didn't hang off the edge of the table.

Regrets, He's Had a Few

Bob L., of Cherry Hill, NJ, has always had a habit of losing things. Usually, there are no serious consequences. But Bob does wince when he remembers that gorgeous blonde with sparkling eyes he met in college. She gave Bob her number just before she headed home to New York for the Summer, and told him to call her when he was in town. Of course, he lost the slip of paper with her number, and never bothered to track her down. The girl turned out to be Meg Ryan -- the Meg Ryan. He realized it when he saw her on the big screen for the first time a few years later. Even her comedies bring on the sadness now.

It Does Take Two, Right?

Beatrice C., a German native living in Fremont, Calif., wished someone would've warned her about words that sound alike in English. She might've spared her American-born husband Roger a little embarrassment during a bike ride one day. She got ahead of him, then had to backtrack to find him among a crowd of other bikers on the road. "There you are!" Exclaimed Beatrice. "I was half way through the intercourse when I noticed you were not there."

Roger turned beat read, the spoke loud ebough for the crowd to hear. "You mean half way through the intersection, I think, dear."

All Fired Up

Jeanne M. of Mission Viejo, Calif. tried to substitute a stove burner for her cigarette lighter -- and she got burned (literally). She was on the kitchen phone and couldn't reach the lighter, so figured she would improvise. Turning a knob on the gas-powered stove to 'High', Jeanne ignited one of the burners. Then she lowered her face, a cigarette dangling from her lips. The flame sprung up faster than she expected, singeing her eyebrows and eyelashes from her face. Jeanne insists she's not telling a bald-faced lie, of course.